BIO + PRESS - NEW YORK TIMES FASHION & STYLE SECTION - DECEMBER 8, 2002

By PAULINE O'CONNOR

CALL it the Rule of Engagement: the peculiar alchemy that occurs when a woman becomes betrothed. Suddenly, she's as close as she probably will ever come to being a celebrity - feted, cooed over, pampered and generally made the center of attention until the wedding band plays its final note and the spell is broken.But when the bride-to-be already is a celebrity, well, witness the talk show host and bride-to-be Caroline Rhea on a recent Sunday afternoon at Femmegems, a month-old jewelry boutique in NoLIta that is also available for parties.

Ms. Rhea had invited eight friends for an afternoon of jewelry making to commence at 1 o'clock. After an hour during which three of her prompter guests sipped mimosas and nibbled on prosciutto sandwiches and cucumber hors d'oeuvres, an oversize black S.U.V. pulled up and disgorged Ms. Rhea and five others. Suddenly, the tiny boutique was bustling, and high-pitched greetings pierced the air. Lindsay Cain, the shop's owner, gave a rundown on how the jewelry-making process worked, and everyone began gathering materials to assemble at a long table in the middle of the store. Everyone, that is, except Ms. Rhea, who ricocheted about the room delivering bons mots - "I love the name of this place; it sounds like either beautiful crystals or menopausal vitamins" - and laughing uproariously.

Stopping for a moment, Ms. Rhea hovered over Amanda Nisbet, her best friend since childhood and an interior decorator, as she constructed a necklace from transparent ice-cube-size crystals paired with a whopping daisy pendant.

"You are such a diva," Ms. Rhea exclaimed, in what some might call a clear case of the pot calling the kettle noir. "Do you have anything extra-large?" she mocked. "I need something that will cause other women pain. Do you have anything in that?"

Ms. Rhea's own engagement ring earned its own introduction. "This is Tutu," she said, holding her hand out for inspection. "Because it's only 2.2 carats."

After a bit of prodding, Ms. Rhea tried to focus on the task at hand, finally picking up the strand of lapis that Ms. Cain had used in her demonstration. "I'm having a little problem with selection, which is why it's taken me so long to get married," she said. Spying the fruit and cheese plate, she announced that she was going to put a piece of Brie on a string.

"Every time I've been a bridesmaid, the `maid' part has been emphasized," she said. Her sister Cynthia Rhea rolled her eyes and said: "Don't write that down. She loves to say that."

The topic turned to the guest of honor's bachelorette days. "I hated all of her boyfriends, except for Bob," her sister said. Bob is Bob Kelty, the bride-to-be's fiancé and vice president for development of the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation. "It's not like they were even close," Caroline Rhea cut in. Holding her hands wide apart like goal posts, she explained, "They went from horrible to amazing, with a huge chasm in between."

"At least I never went on stage and referred to your boyfriend as the Antichrist, like you did to my husband," her sister shot back.

A man poked his head into the store. A husband! It was Diedrich Bader, who plays Oswald on "The Drew Carey Show," and who is married to Dulcy Rogers, an actress on the show who is a friend of Ms. Rhea's and a guest.

Surveying the handiwork, he remarked, "Somebody's compensating for something!" and promptly made his exit.

At last, Ms. Rhea stood up to show off her finished jewelry, a simple strand of strawberry quartz and a pair of blue teardrop earrings. Someone complimented the earrings.

"They were made by Lindsay," Ms. Rhea said. Ms. Cain interjected: "You designed them!" "Oh," Ms. Rhea said. "Did I say Lindsay? When I say `Lindsay,' I mean me.”

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Feting the Bride ADORNMENTS Femmegems provides jewelry making and catering for $52 a person, not including the price of semiprecious stones (212-625-1611).